It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
