My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
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