Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
