why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
