life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
