So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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