I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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