Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
