angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
