Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
