i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
