I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
