I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
