the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
