Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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