Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
