I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We need a shit load of segways right now
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
