i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
