I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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