You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Still dying that you shit outside
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
