Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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