Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
