My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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