Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
