Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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