all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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