your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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