I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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