I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
