Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
