You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
