had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
