it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
