On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
