Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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