Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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