When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
