my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
