I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
