I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
