it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
