I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just sucked dick on a ferry
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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