Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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