gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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