i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
