He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
