Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
