i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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