Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You can't just leave with hair like that
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
