Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
