I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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