You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
