It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
